Peruvian Dating for Expat Dummies Cheat Sheet

*Warning: The following article is based on true stories. This could happen to you.  

Dating can be tricky and uncomfortable in any culture, but for me and my roommates, it has soared to new levels of awkwardness during our time abroad. Many incidents have arisen where intentions/motives/customs have gotten lost in translation, so for this entry, I thought we should review the popular For Dummies Dating Cheat Sheet, making a few uniquely Peruvian revisions.

Asking for a First Date:

• For Dummies tip: ¨Offer a specific opportunity (as well as alternative days).¨ 
• Revision: Offer a specific opportunity, as well as alternative days, locations, and times.  Don´t take ¨no¨ for an answer. If she says ¨no¨ she really just needs to be worn down until she says ¨yes.¨ Don´t be afraid to call. Don´t be afraid to call six times in a row, because though she´s clearly avoiding you after the second call, there´s still a chance she might answer the phone by accident.

Tips for Flirting:

• For Dummies tip: ¨Pay attention. No looking like you´re trying to remember if you fed the cat.¨ 
• Revision: Pay attention. Track your desired female at all times. If she says she needs to go to the bathroom, escort her and wait patiently outside.

• For Dummies tip: ¨Lighten up; don´t bulldoze. Telling your date she is incredibly hot isn´t flirting; it´s steering your dating experience into a mountain.¨ 
• Revision: Bulldoze, never lighten up. Telling your date she is incredibly hot is flirting. So is cat-calling or honking at passersby on the street. Who can resist you as you cruise down the streets of Miraflores in your Volkswagon bug? Steering your dating experience directly into a mountain is exactly your intention; doesn´t everyone want to go to Machu Picchu?

Making Safe Connections:

• For Dummies tip: ¨Don´t wait more than a week or two before arranging to see each other in person.  Any longer than that, and you´re just perpetuating a fantasy and building a false sense of intimacy.¨ 
• Revision: Don´t wait more than an hour or two before arranging to see each other in person. Any longer than that, and she may think that you have a life outside of creeping on her.

Using Technology Wisely When You´re Dating:

• For Dummies Tip: ¨After a date, don´t text your date repeatedly hoping for confirmation that the date went well. You wouldn´t call this person again and again, would you? (Would you?) Have some confidence in yourself, and give your date some breathing room. 
• Revision: After a date, text your date repeatedly hoping for confirmation that the date went well. You would call this person again and again, wouldn´t you? (Wouldn´t you?) Don´t give your date breathing room—she might forget about you and start dating other people.

Affirmations:

• For Dummies: ¨A date is only a date—it´s not do-or-die time.¨ 
• Revision: It´s do-or-die time.