It´s (Not) Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas, Guzman the Merman, and Other Peruvian Christmas Classics

Faithful readers, in the spirit of the season, it´s time for our first annual Christmas sing-along. Or rather, since this isn´t a live performance and I´m not about to upload any videos of me squeaking my way through ¨Silent Night¨ or ¨Joy to the World¨, it´s time for our first annual Christmas sing-in-your-own-head as you read-along.  Only this isn´t your typical holiday special; it´s Christmas done south of the Equator.

I've talked before about how the inversion of seasons south of the Equator has messed up my psyche, and now that the holiday season is upon us, that claim couldn't be any truer.  While folks back home are bundling up in their warmest scarves and sweaters, I've spent my weekends at country clubs and beaches. While they´re browsing the local nurseries for the perfect pines, I´m growing fond of palm trees.

While the local supermarkets, casinos, and department stores have strung festive garlands over their edifices  and stocked their shelves with bearded, bundled Santas and hot chocolate, I just can´t seem to find the holiday spirit amidst the ocean fog and muggy weather. But perhaps my sentiments would better be demonstrated in musical form:

Guzman the Merman

Sing along

Guzman the mermaid is a fairy tale they say/He was made of sand but the betchy girls know/how he came to life one day. Oh! Guzman the merman was a jolly happy soul/with one bottle cap and one lime nipple/and all the rum his gills could hold…

It´s (Not) Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

Sing along 

It´s (not) beginning to look a lot like Christmas/Ev´rywhere you go/Take a look at the sand, glistening once again/Beneath the Lima sunset all aglow…

O Palm Tree

Sing along

O palm tree, o palm tree/ much pleasure doth thou bring me.

Where´s The Snow? Where´s the Snow? Where´s the Snow?

Sing along

 

Oh the weather outside ´s delightful/but our beach burns are so frightful/To Chincha and back we go/Where´s the snow? Where´s the snow? Where´s the snow?

Mashup Finale: Up on Diego´s Beach House Rooftop/ We´re a Couple of Misfits/Deck the Halls

Sing along 1, 2, and 3.

Up on Diego´s beach house rooftop Jennie paused/Out jumped Josué Córdova/Down to the kitchen for chips and dogs/All for the little ones Christmas joys. Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn´t go? Ho, ho, ho! Seriously: Who wouldn´t go? Up on the rooftop beer tops went click!/ Down through the gullets of all us misfits.

Ohhhhhhh! We´re a couple of misfits/ we´re a couple of misfits/ What´s the matter with misfits/ That´s where we fit in. We may be different from the rest/Who decides the test/Of what is really best?

Fast away the old year passes/fa la la la la la, la la la la/ Hail the new,ye lads and lasses/ fa la la la la, la la la la./ Sing we joyous all together/ fa la la la la, la la la la/ We rejoice for sunny weather/ fa la la la la, la la la la.

I´ll be home for Christmas. Expect more caroling. And next time, please, stay on pitch.

Not Your Average Travel Guide

Over the past two months, I’ve had the pleasure of working with Jason Demant, founder of Unanchor.com, on a 3-day travel guide to Lima’s best attractions. What makes this start-up itinerary site unique from other travel websites is that Jason is 100% committed not only to providing daily schedules for the independent traveler, but also doing everything he possibly  can to ensure he/she won’t get lost. Unanchor guides include clearly-marked routes and pictures with live hyperlinks that jump to Google maps and websites with more information about each destination. Every detail of the itinerary is designed with the tech-savvy traveler in mind: no more lugging Lonely Planets around or popping into internet cafés to double check your direction.

Peru´s new logo, scrawled into a mountainside in Central Lima.

As for my part, my itinerary just went live this week and is now available on the Unanchor site.  Writing my first itinerary has given me an even greater awareness of what this city has to offer.  My tour de Lima includes stops in Barranco, Central Lima, Miraflores, San Isidro, and Surco to visit everything from catacombs and ruins to art galleries and world record-breaking fountains.  I think it makes a pretty compelling case for Lima, whose reputation has been smeared by its crowdedness, its pollution levels, and its seeming lack of “cultural importance” in a country that holds both Machu Picchu and the Amazon.

But the city limits of Lima occupy only a tiny space on the Unanchor itinerary map.  The site includes guides for all over the world, helping travelers plan their next vacations in Seoul, Sydney or even to little-known sites and attractions in their home cities.  I know I’ll seek the expertise of Unanchor guides on my upcoming trips; I encourage you to do the same. 

The Real World Lima Soundtrack: Now on Sale!

It´s everywhere. Each day on your walk to work, you pass Steven Tyler´s larger-than-life lips.  Your fine dining experience comes with a side of old-school Bon Jovi tunes, before he shaved his shaggy ´do and went country.  In the hippest bars and clubs, you tap your feet alongside twenty-something-year-old Peruvians to A-Ha and Pat Benetar.  You might have thought your teasing comb and cut-offs had reached their final resting place in a New Jersey junkyard years ago, but you thought wrong.  The ´80s epidemic has merely migrated south—to the Miraflores and Barranco districts of Lima, Peru. 

For the past three months, I have been conducting a hard-nosed investigation of this musical phenomenon.  The shocking truth? Foreign musical acts were once heavily taxed in Peru, triggering reluctance from big name ´80s, ´90s, and early millennium bands to make concert stops in Lima. Any Peruvian hoping to catch a whiff of aerosol hairspray had to travel outside the country to Argentina, Brazil, or (brace yourself) Chile, that skinny—but feisty—pisco-making rival to the south.  An entire generation of English-speaking, rock-music-loving Peruvians were robbed of genuine encounters with their favorite ´80s acts.  So they did the only thing they could do: they passed the unforgettable melodies onto the next generation, and they waited.

Flash forward to 2007.  The tax was lifted, opening the floodgate for ´80s musical icons to plant their leather boots on Peruvian terrain for the first time and revive (or maybe just perpetuate) the electric guitar fever.  Grumble as you may, you know you can´t resist bopping your head to at least one song on this playlist.  Go ahead and try:

1. queen & david bowie - under pressure (1981)
2. soft cell – tainted love (1981)
3. the smiths - there is a light that never goes out (1986)
4. depeche mode - personal jesus (1989)
5. the cure – just like heaven (1987)
6. depeche mode - just can't get enough (1982)
7. A-Ha – take on me (1985)
8. michael jackson – billie jean (1982)
9. michael jackson – beat it (1982)
10. dire straits - money for nothing (1984)
11. bon jovi – living on a prayer (1986)
12. guns n' roses - sweet child o' mine (1987)
13. aerosmith – janie´s got a gun (1989)
14. simple minds – don´t you forget about me (1985)
15. ac/dc – you shook me all night long  (1980)
16. INXS – need you tonight (1987)
17. the smiths - bigmouth strikes again (1985)
18. george michael – faith (1987)
19. new order – bizarre love triangle (1986)
20. dead or alive – you spin me round (like a record) (1984)
21. beastie boys – (you gotta) fight for your right (to party!) (1987)

Complete playlist available here.  Music brought to you by Daniel Noriega Reto, ´80s enthusiast.